Are you people pleasing at your own expense?

People pleasing. The number of times I’ve heard this word, or should I say phrase is uncountable. Today, I want to bring this close to home. I’d like that you and I answer this question honestly: Are you people pleasing at your own expense?

What exactly does it mean to people please? Looking at the Cambridge dictionary meaning, a people pleaser is “someone who cares a lot about whether other people like them, and always wants others to approve of their actions“

Please note that there are many definitions of people pleasing. This definition is only to give you an insight to what it actually means.

Do you care a lot about if people like you or not? Do you find yourself always wanting the approval of others? If you answered yes to any of these questions, no judgement, we’ll try to sort through it together.

How the anchor scripture relates

The anchor scripture for this article is Galatians 1:10. For the sake of context, here’s a summary of the preceding verses. Apostle Paul writes to the Church in Galatia about deviating from the Gospel of Christ. Why the deviation? There were some who tried to corrupt the original Gospel, hereby confusing them.

On getting to vs 10, Apostle Paul asks: For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.
Galatians 1:10 NKJV

To further grasp this verse, let’s look at the Passion translation: I’m obviously not trying to flatter you or water down my message to be popular with men, but my supreme passion is to please God. For if all I attempt to do is please people, I would fail to be a true servant of Christ.

What do you think Apostle Paul was referring to with the statement “If I still pleased men, I won’t be a bondservant of Christ“?

His former life, that’s what. You may have heard of how a certain ‘Saul’ went about persecuting Christians, till he had an encounter with Jesus. Following this, He became Paul and he reminds the Galatian church of this in Galatians 1:13 – 14.

After that whole ordeal, He definitely knows what people pleasing is. And he knows that this time, it’s God who gets the pleasing, not people.

Now, where do you stand? Who do you seek to please? Men or God?

People pleasing and its types

In order to find balance, it’s worthy to note that there are 2 kinds of people pleasing. The first, the one that pleases God and the second, the one that God frowns at.

Based on the portion above, you can find the people pleasing that God frowns at. Anything that makes you seek the approval of men, at the expense of your identity in Christ.

The second half of people pleasing is the one God approves of. God approves of people pleasing? If that’s what you are thinking, the answer is yes. It’s implied in 1 Corinthians 10:31 – 11:1.

The spotlight is on vs. 32 – 33, 11:1 :

Give no offense, either to the Jews or to the Greeks or to the church of God, just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved. Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ.

What’s the difference? Just in case you missed it, there’s no seeking of approval for one’s gain. The aim of pleasing people here, is to bring them closer to Christ, for the salvation of their souls.

If you need some more information, you can refer to this article by Desiring God

2 tips to help you get through people pleasing

Now, you’ve thought through this, and you may find yourself in the people pleasing that God frowns at. What should you do? Here are two tips to help you through:

Do you really know who you are? What or Who defines your identity? You can read more about identity here

Re-evaluate your stance; why do you care a lot about if people like you or not (at the expense of your identity in Christ)?

Quite recently, I discovered some traits of people pleasing (the one God frowns at) in me. It had taken its toll on me before I figured it out. Emotionally drained, I began the process and I’m still figuring it out.

What traits you may ask? Never saying No, even when I want to ; Always thinking that if things don’t turn out perfect, people won’t want me there again; Going great lengths to ensure no one is on bad terms with me.

Am I working through it? Certainly! Now, I’m more conscious of who God is calling me to be, without the people pleasing effect. That’s why I recommend you answer this question honestly: “Are you people pleasing at your own expense?”

In the end, the purpose of this article is to help you reconsider people pleasing. And if it’s worth it, at your own expense. May God help us to be honest with ourselves and take the right steps to realign, in Jesus name.

Happy New Year to you!